Squirrel Be Gone

We have squirrels. In our attic. In our yard. In our gutters.  I've been watching them climb up our electrical wires to our roof, carrying foliage to build their winter home in my attic. They are busy little creatures.  So, I called up the pest control man, who verified, "Yep, you have squirrels and it will cost you to remove them." It's not that I mind sharing our home, but I just don't like rodents or rodent-looking animals in close proximity. They are cute from a distance. The other day, my son comes running in to tell me that there is a dead squirrel in our front yard. 

He tells me this at 6:30 PM Erev Rosh Hashanah.  I tell him, "Go tell your dad to remove the squirrel." He runs upstairs and comes back. I said, "well?" He said, "You might want to go talk to him." So, I go up to see what could possibly be holding up my husband from removing the dead squirrel out of our front yard and removing the horrible image from my mind. Surely he doesn't want to leave it there for 3 more days until the first leg of our marathon holiday is over. He tells me, "I have good news and bad news." "Enlighten me," I say. He says, "The good news is that you are going to have a blog to write this week. The bad news is that I cannot remove the squirrel as I just went to the mikvah." I say, "huh?" 

He explains that once you use the mikvah, you cannot touch anything dead or it nullifies your "pure state" making the immersion void.. 
Even using a shovel (of course, how else would one remove a dead animal?), would be like an extension of one's arm and making the "pure state" void. Great! Well, I don't exactly want to contaminate my pure self either at this point. So, I look across the street at my non-Jewish, hard working, lawn keeping, and rake-in-the-hand neighbors. How about I try this on them: "You see, we have a dead squirrel in our yard, and we are too pure to move it right before the Jewish New Year, so do you think you could bring your not-so-pure self over to our yard and remove it for us?" Nah, that probably would not have worked too well and may have limited all the smiles and waves I normally get.. 

It seems I live across the street from  Annie Oakley. That comes in handy at the perfect moment. So, I approach our neighbor and say, "It seems I'm a bit squeamish around dead animals. Do you think your husband could remove our dead squirrel from our front yard? “Oh, Rick? Well, he's not going to do that, but I will."  She scoops up Mr. Nutty at just the moment that my husband is pulling out to go to synagogue. I open my mouth to explain, and then think... perhaps better to let our neighbors think my husband is nerdy or a bit eccentric. This one event surely would not be the only cause for those thoughts. I'm sure it ranks right up there with the "hut in their back yard" and "bringing over their beta fish during Passover because it's food was not kosher". Because explaining that he is too pure, would just not go over well and would ruin our reputations of being just plain weird.