Soul Power
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My daughter and I were discussing Teshuva (aka: repentance)
the other day. She was wondering if everything is meant to be, then why should
we be sorry? It is a great question. We are who we are because of our past, both
the positive and the negative. I have never felt a kinship with Yom Kippur, the
Day of Atonement. My husband LOVES it. Go figure. The whole beating the chest and feeling horrible (while I’m
really hungry and thirsty) and standing up for long periods of time doesn’t do
much for me. And repeating it over and over again doesn’t help much. When I was
little, my sister and I would play the “Prayer Book Number Game” to keep
ourselves busy. One of us would open our prayer book to a page. Then the other
one had to try and let their book fall open to the same page. Or we would do
the “Find Your Elbow Game”. You close your eyes and someone tickles your forearm.
You have to tell them when they get to the crack in your elbow. Apparently no
one wants to play the "Prayer Book Number Game" or "Find Your Elbow Game" with
me. Maybe I should offer "Hair or Sheitel Game". It might go over better with my new crowd.
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for my mistakes, miscalculations, poor judgment,
slander or selfishness, its just that beating my chest and fasting in a room
full of smelly people doesn’t seem to make me feel much of anything except
hungry and fidgety. My stomach seems to get in the way of my soul. But, this is
how Jewish people have repented for years and well, it seems, how G-d intended
for us to do so (at least the no eating part on the 10th day of
Tishrei, as it is commanded).
So, I told my daughter that I had a different take on
Teshuva (and yes I’m well aware of the 3 steps: recognize, remorse, repent).
Teshuva is a “return”. It is, at its most meaningful aspect, a going back to
your “soul space”, and that is exactly what the word means, “to return”. The
thing is, it’s hard to return if you don’t acknowledge that you’re not there.
So thus, the remorse, beating of the chest, etc.
The soul….The place that is void of fear, angst, anger. It
is totally peaceful. It does not react or need attention. It does not get angry
or have expectations. It’s not even physically needy. It does not care about
what others think of it. It is giving in its purest form. It is at one with G-d. It is a culmination of our
choices done from a place of peace, integrity, honesty, oneness…..love. Yom
Kippur is a time to get to know your soul once again.
If our bodies are sensory beings (seeing, hearing, feeling,
touching, tasting, smelling, thinking, etc.) then our soul is not any of those
things. Hmmm…Chew on that for a while…well after you fast.
Wishing you all a speedy return and hoping you get in touch
with your soul…and enjoy the food before and after the fast…it’s my favorite
part! Chatima Tova!
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