Ortho Scan

I was scanned yesterday, not by an Xray, not by a CT scan and not by an MRI and not by the checkout lady at the grocery. I was scanned by an “Ortho Scanner”: another orthodox woman giving me the “once over.” There I was at the Coca Cola museum in Atlanta with my 2 boys and she was there with her husband and children. We noticed one another as the only orthodox people in the crowd (we tend to stick out a bit). As I smiled at her, her eyes quickly scanned me. Her smile then came as an obligatory afterthought (you can tell these things). She sized me up immediately and walked off. Man! I didn’t pass the test…again. I knew I should have worn my wig, pumps and gray skirt to chase my twin boys around the coke museum! Poor thing. She missed out on my great personality under my trendy-comfy-ortho wear. I just can't help it. I'm a product of the 60's and 70's.

You’ve seen the scan before. Their eyes quickly go up and down your body before meeting your gaze. I’m sure I confused her as although I was covered head to toe, had on appropriate clothing, and was toting around little boys with payos (side locks), something was a bit "different." Maybe it was my cool corduroy leggings? Of course, I’m sure she’s just not the social type, or maybe she's one of those New York implants (sorry, no offense, as I do have great friends from New York:). But lets assume for a minute she isn't missing a social chromosome as I’m sure she has at least a few friends. Then if so, perhaps all the halacha (laws) are a bit misplaced.

I do tend to confuse people. Not on purpose. They just can’t always place me in a box with a label. I’m sure I did not meet her standards: sheitel (I had on a hat), stockings (I had on leggings), pretty shoes (I had on Toms botas). I recently read a great article about orthodox Jewry. It pointed out, that we are missing the boat and falling short of our mission. We are just too judgmental toward outsiders and even toward insiders. Ya think? The funny thing is that we are suppose to be doing all these mitzvoth to uplift our soul. We’re the “soul experts” so we think. And yet some of us are consumed by externals. Seems like we have a lot of work to do and I am thankful for all those of you orthodox or not, Jewish or not who are doing it, because truth be told, many of you are hard at work and changing some misperceptions. I think, though, we should first eliminate the scan. Lets just use it to ward off danger, not other "members of the tribe." So dress appropriately. There is good reason to do so. But, I think if your scanner is turned on, you need to at least wear sunglasses. I may just do so myself, as there's a lady I know who wears bright orange and pink. It's killing me!