To Hair or Not to Hair

I have new hair. It’s not my hair. It’s someone else’s hair. Yes, I tried this a while back but I just couldn't do it, so I'm going for round two. Hey, a girl's gotta look good! I’m somewhat obsessed with the whole subject. It’s just so strange to wear hair on your hair. Like G-d gave you hair and you’re saying, “Uh, I like this other hair better.” The rules for hair covering come from the oral tradition; but really, don't you think it would have been much easier if it were written down? "Cover Thy Hair." No guessing, no wigs, just cover it up. But now we're all confused. Honestly, I don’t think G-d cares.  Seems kind of insulting snubbing his original for a remake. 

And now I have to take care of this extra hair. You see my own hair was wash, pick and go! But this new hair is spray and scrunch. Yesterday I sprayed the entire right side of my face and nearly blinded myself with a stream of water. And how do you scratch your scalp? Do you ignore it? If you scratch it something is sure to fall out of place. And forget about going out in the wind, rain or snow. Your doomed. Plus I now need a PHD in wig care or a second mortgage to pay to take care of it. Orthodox Jews are obsessed with hair. We grow it, cover it, “don’t” do this to it, and “don’t” do that to it. I think it all comes from our being way overly analytical about....everything. It seems to be very “in” these days to wear wigs even if you’re not observant (or living with hair loss). Dolly Parton wears a wig every day and has for the past 50 years. Just Google “wigs”. There’s a plethora of websites selling them and telling you how to take care of them; and you can get them in any style, length and color. It’s a multi million-dollar business. 

The weird thing is that my new hair is sitting on my dresser on a Styrofoam head. It kind of creeps me out. Sort of like a skeleton in your room. My sheitel (wig)  lady told me to name my hair. Hmmm, let see… Oprah, Cher, Barbara… Baldy… She Who Must Not Be Named…. I don’t know. I’m not feeling such a close personal relationship. I mean I name my plants, fish, pets, even my car, but my wig? And here’s the thing... I got so many compliments. Maybe I was better off not wearing it and drawing less attention. Honestly no one every said anything to me when I just wore my own hair. It’s a mix between an Afro and a sponge and never really turned anyone on. No blowing in the wind hair or Vidal Sassoon hair…just tight curls that like a little air to breathe once in a while.  Maybe I’m just thinking this through all too much. All I know is my head is itching…from the hair... not the thinking. But, I do like the look!