J Swipe

I’ve been taking a couple classes recently on marriage and mussar (thought process). There seems to be a recurrent theme (please just bang me on the head until I get it), which is the concept of giving up your “self.” The teachers are not talking about loosing your identity, or giving up your hopes and dreams. They are talking about becoming more “you” focused and less “me” focused. One thought that was expressed is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is really to give up ones “self.”

Think about that.

By doing so, you can change, grow and ultimately get closer to G-d. They are not suggesting that those not married are not close to the Almighty by any means. But marriage can be a conduit to a relationship with G-d. Anyone who’s been married can testify to this on some level.

But, then I step out into the world. Okay, so really I go onto Facebook; and it seems like there is a barrage of quotes, articles and thoughts about preserving ones “self.” It’s like we’re all trying to hold on for dear life.  I struggle with these two dichotomies and have a little dog that helps me ignore both of them.

Anyway, as my children grow up and G-d willing someday will get married and have families, I have been pondering this. Their dating experiences are quite similar yet quite different from mine. I'll refer to their's as "kosher dating." It’s been an education for me and forcing me to change some of my views. They have a lot of rules and such on who they can date, how they date, when they date and what they do on a date. On the one hand, it’s great to have boundaries. That, in my opinion, is good.

But their way of meeting people is what I have a hard time wrapping my head around. I’m convinced it’s an electronic gap. Recently my daughter called me  excited that she had found a new dating app. It’s called J Swipe. I’m sure most of you are familiar with this Jewish “swipe soul finder” app, but I’m often in the dark; and, so she called to educate me. She does this often and truthfully I need it.

We facetimed (I think that’s a verb) so she could show me how cool it was. You upload your information and it connects to your Facebook account, which then inputs information into the app that is downloaded to your phone. Well, actually the photos and information for the guys or girls you are looking for are downloaded to the app and you can swipe left to get rid of them or swipe right to approve them.  That’s right. Just one swipe of your finger and ……he’s’ outta there!

Are you with me so far?

So she’s swiping left and right looking for her beshert (intended). My son, on the other hand is in an electronic-free zone. No swiping. No downloading. His dating research insists of reading through resumes that we as parents need to comb through as well, seat over, higher a private investigator and then he can date. I’m just kidding about the private investigator. Just a few calls and you can find out everything you need though. That works for or against us as well. One person told my son’s future date family, “Just go read the book!”  

I have a lot of faith that this will all turn out well. After all, it’s in G-d’s hands…or in the palm of someone’s hand. #J swipe #kosher dating